@gouldhallie
Note
This is about one author’s personal, anecdotal experience and should not substitute medical advice.
If you’re having health concerns of any kind, we urge you to speak to a healthcare professional.
I inspected myself in the mirrorsomething Id done every day for as long as I could remember.
@gouldhallie
I stared blankly at my reflection, curvy and healthy, though Id rarely described it that way.
Cool, I murmured and walked out my apartment door.
Eating disorders are a tough and personal topic to broach.
Every experience is different.
So much of me is loud, confident, and outgoing.
There are so many people who are outspoken about their difficult time during the thick of it.
But what happens next?
Post-therapy and weight gainhow do we continue to move forward after going through what feels like war?
When I wasfound out, I began seeing someone at the suggestion of my high schools psychologist.
First, a man who took one look at my tank top and shook his head.
He went on to give cookie-cutter, cliche advice until I decided to speak up.
I hadnt uttered more than a few words the entire session.
I argued it wasnt about control, in my head affirming I wasnt a case like all the others.
Thats what I learned after finding someone who I felt was a better fit and completing treatment.
What I believed set me apart was what kept me shackled to those long-established statistics.
It was hard and terrible, but I had this relationship with food I felt I couldnt escape.
I didnt knowhow to be healthy, and I didnt know how to feel normal.
Standing next to a waif doesnt make you fat.
Jeans look different on everyone.
Chinese food tastes better than salad.
Dont feel bad about wanting to change your bodyjust make certain where those feelings are coming from.
Im not above feeling the allure of a different form.
The only thing thats changed is my perception.
Not being hard on yourself feels like the key to life doesnt it?
With your body, sure, but with everything else too.
This essay was originally published in 2016 and has since been updated.
