A tale of connection and complexities.
In This Article
May 2019 wasn’t an ideal time to move citieslet alone countriesafter graduating from college.
I got busy applying for jobs and secured a visa once I landed one.
Yes, it was risky, and I was leaving behind a slew of close friends.
I blamed the pandemic for my difficulty making new friends in London.
Or maybe her?Still, as I imagined friendship possibilities, bodies always kept moving.
Stocksy/Designed by Tiana Crispino
Stocksy/Designed by Tiana Crispino
Nine months after my journey in London started, it all stopped.
I wasn’t exactly sure what it looked like.
At least, that’s what I thought.
Nearly everyone I’d spoken to immediately agreed that forming friendships didnt come easily.
“My only options are the friendly, drunk girls in club bathrooms or my boyfriend’s friends.”
She concedes that, while she appreciates both, neither prospect tends to go past the shallow acquaintance stage.
Stocksy/Designed by Tiana Crispino
“I think people grow wearier to meaningful connections as they mature,” she says.
“It acts as a defense mechanism, but socializing is also exhausting.”
But Why?
As we get older, we have more tasks consuming our days and much more responsibility.
When that responsibility is brand-new, it can be terrifying for some people.
But being proactive isn’t just drainingit’s also scary.
And, for some reason, a lot of us are afraid to admit it.
“I feel like many people think that, but we’re all afraid to talk about it.”
She’s not wrongthis sentiment is one nearly every person I’ve spoken to about this subject has echoed.
“Making friends in your 20s can be challenging,” says licensed marriage and family therapist Laurel Roberts-Meese.
“The structures and systems we made friends through before don’t exist anymore.
Sure, we have the workplace, but workplaces aren’t structured to assist your psychosocial development.”
The very nature of our 20s makes solidifying a genuine connection even more complicated.
“The 20s are a transient decade.
“That transience means people fall out of touch more often.”
Finding a hobby or honing in on a passion might also spark connections with a new BFF.
“This can be a physical or creative activity.
However, Suarez-Angelino encourages doing this as a group in public to keep things as safe as possible.
“Your local Meetup.com site can be a good place to start.
You don’t have to have a preexisting hobby or physical pursuit.
Instead, trying to find new friends can be an excellent opportunity to try something new too.
“Be willing to sayyesto more invitations to social activities and gatherings,” says Darne.
He also recommends trying new activities or finding a local charity to volunteer with.
“Any activity that puts you in place to see the same people frequently is good.”
Still, being honest about the complexities of establishing real connections makes it easier to navigate.
If you’re in your 20s and finding it hard, you’re not the only one.
“People are starving for connection,” says Roberts-Meese.
