“I went through a rebirth.”
Though it was meant to be cheeky, I had no doubt Kehlani was giving an earnest declaration.
Ally Green / Design by Kenya Bravo
It’s a nod to their reputation as an artist.
Kehlaniwho dropped their recent single, “Altar,” in Septemberis known for making soul-stirring music.
“I make relationship music.
Good, bad, either way, Im probably talking about the person I’m with.
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It’s just the truth,” they admit as we sat over a cozy Zoom call.
These melodic musings on their past relationships is what has drawn so many to Kehlani over the years.
When the 26-year-old artist reaches another turn, bump, or stop, onlookers scramble to define it.
Kehlani made headlines this year when they came out as lesbian on Instagram Live.
Kehlani has publicly identified as queer, bisexual, and pansexual in the past.
For Kehlani, using non-binary pronouns feels like an earned respect.
Ally Green
“It feels like… you really see me.”
“I was very blessed to know what I wanted to do in my life at a young age.
I was blessed to have a talent I could follow,” they said of finding their passion.
Ally Green / Design by Kenya Bravo
Kehlani left the band shortly after and had another go at music a few years later.
Their debut studio album,SweetSexySavage,followedin 2017, which was released on the heels of a breakup.
Reflecting on their love life in revealing music continues to fuel the authenticity Kehlani is known and loved for.
Ally Green / Design by Kenya Bravo
The more they love, the better the music.
Many on Twitter have suggested Kehlani is dating SZA after they were seen together at the Met.
They walked me through their Met Gala night.
They found themselves nervous to speak; practically crying with emotion.
It’s a perfect example of what can happen when reality and public perception meet on a red carpet.
It’s a cycle we’ve seen time and time again.
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But art isn’t about gossip, especially for Kehlani.
Behind the scenes and off the social media grid, their entire life was shifting.
“I went through a rebirth, they stated with forceful clarity.
Ally Green / Design by Kenya Bravo
While they prefer not to get into specifics, they describe it as deeply impactful.
Reflecting on the experience they told me, “It’s a 180 from who I was before.”
“I was sober for a year.
Ally Green / Design by Tomoko Takahashi
I didn’t go out unless it was work-related.
I did a lot of very intense spiritual connecting.
So much transformation,” Kehlani describes.
It’s generally a two-year period of transformation and challenges.
This rings true for Kehlani given the year they’ve had, both publicly and privately.
But there were tangible shifts too.
While Kehlani has always benefited from being light-skinned and small framed, rigid beauty standards are unrelenting.
And the singer was subject to them from the moment they stepped into the spotlight.
At one point, the pressure became overwhelming.
Ally Green / Design by Kenya Bravo
“I remember this video of me performing went viral.
People were like ‘she’s horribly built.’
So I went and got breast implants.”
What followed were years of uncomfortable symptoms and medical complications that, at first, Kehlani didnt understand.
“My doctor said, ‘I think you havebreast implant illness.
Along with their physical symptoms, Kehlani acknowledged their new boobs created a mental sense of unease.
Ally Green / Design by Kenya Bravo
“I was already feeling dysphoric about my breast implants because I’m such a ‘tomboy.’
Like, how do I even put these in outfits?”
Kehlani continues, “I actually feel way more beautiful than I ever felt because I feel healthy.”
Ally Green / Design by Kenya Bravo
“I really don’t take my natural body for granted anymore,” they lament.
More than anything, Kehlani regrets being made to feel bad about themselves.
Looking back, the measures they took feel drastic.
“I let the world bully me into feeling like I needed this.”
This is the dark side of reflection, when your every limb is up for debate.
It can be hard to separate your own honest thoughts from how the rest of the world sees you.
“I feel the most sexy and beautiful when I’m the most stripped down and comfortable.
To me, sexiness is clean hair, good candles, and applying oil after a shower.
It’s all about taking care of myself, more so than the sexiest outfit.
That’s when I feel good,” they share.
“To [understand] yourself… you need room to try shit.
To throw [everything] at the wall and see what sticks.
“I’m not ashamed to be like, this is where Im at with it currently.
This isnt a sad story, just an honest one.
Kehlani admits their journey included realizations through media interaction with their music.
Let me love and adore you.Kehlani singing about men: what a fucking loser.”
“That’s what makes me feel whole,” they say of the process.
That brings us back toBlue Water Road.
The album, which is set to arrive early 2022, reflects this momentous turning point for Kehlani.
“I am fucking great and that’s what the music sounds like,” they declared.
“I’m so glad to be settled into my fan base and in my little world.
I can experiment and have fun.
I don’t feel like I have to deliver a radio single right now.”
This time, they’re looking straight ahead instead of back at past heartbreaks.
And theyre not stifled by the demands of fans who are expecting the latter.
“I have hella room to become the person I want to become.”
“Once I let shit go, everything in life became softer,” they say.
When I asked what it meant to be truly well, they offered something else profound.
“Being well is when I’m not faking or forcing positivity.
I’m not forcing gratitude.”
We all do it.
Were forcing something onto ourselves that isnt meant for us in the first place.
Kehlani is hell-bent on raising her daughter the same way; with as much room as possible.
“There’s always emphasis on the gender of those we love versus who that person is.
I just want to worry about if my kid loves a good person.
Worry about the heart of the person you’re with.
They continue, “We raised her [to believe] there’s no difference.
She sees her mommy with her girlfriend.
She’s going to see her father with whoever he’s with.
She’s going to see all her gay aunties and uncles and her trans aunties and uncles.
They’re going to have their own world.
Don’t make them hateful little shits.
Teach them to love and not judge and it’s really that simple.
I don’t know how it gets so overcomplicated.”
Kehlani is different than they were a year ago.
The hurdles from their past arent so pivotal to them now.
They just… happened.
This is true for anyone reading this.
Have we matched their energy?
Have we been willing to sit still with ourselves to make it all mean something?
Honestly, what else is there to do except fucking reflect?
Women with silicone breast implants and unexplained systemic symptoms: a descriptive cohort study.Neth J Med.
2013;71(10):534-540.
