After a lifetime of staying silent, I’m finally shouting my Asianness into the void.
Your country did this to us, he slurred into my face.
A few weeks later, I had a virtual consultation with a doctor for a trendy health subscription company.
She asked the requisite questionsage, health habits, do you smoke, do you exercisethen for my ethnicity.
Chinese, I answered, my mind already wandering to what I was going to order for lunch.
Soyoureto blame for all of this!
Pictured: My baby photo / Design by Cristina Cianci
she laughed, like she had just said the worlds funniest joke.
On instinct, I laughed with her.
I wanted to tell her this wasnt funny, but instead I said Sorry!
My parents were proud of being labeled as such.
As author and essayistCathy Park Hongwrote, We dont have coronavirus.
This isnt anything newits just the first time in a long time weve been forced to pay attention.
The truth is, anti-Asian sentiment has always had a part in Americas story.
She won an Oscar for her role.
It didnt soften my pain at all, but I wondered if it should have.
Pictured: An assortment of my favorite traditional Chinese foods / Faith Xue
Was it worth sharing on my personal account?
Would it detract from the BLM movement?
I was born in Shanghai and moved to Columbia, Missouri with my parents when I was two.
Pictured: My family visiting my father’s childhood home in Tai Zhou, China / Faith Xue
I went to a fancy private school and most of the kids in my grade were white.
Meanwhile, I kept this side of myself invisible at work.
I had an extreme hunger to succeed, and to me, success looked like my white peers.
The recent events have proven that if we do not speak up for ourselves, no one else will.
I will not cloak my Asianness to make others feel more comfortable.
I will not stay silent when my people are being persecuted and spit on and harmed.
Faith Xue
But even as I access this long-dormant pride, I also feel a growing fear.
The Asian people getting persecuted look like my grandparents, like my parents, like me.
When I return to New York, I will think twice before going anywhere on my own.
We must speak up for them because no one else will.
Because in the face of racism, there is nothing that separates us.
But why do we have to choose?
We must build a bigger table, together.
It is not us or them.
Then, its time to pick up the mic and speak for ourselves.
Resources to Support Asian Americans:
