“I believe our softest spots are also our strongest.”
Human existence is vulnerable enough as it is, but this past year was different.
For most people, the pressure of the pandemic brought out anxieties, coping mechanisms, and yearnings.
The years significant shift in collective social justice consciousness, too, instigated inner reflection and change for many.
Fortunately, a space exists to do all of this: therapy.
Ive always promised my patients vulnerability is intrinsic to power.
Unsplash/Design by Tiana Crispino
In fact, preaching the perks of personal vulnerability is one of my primary agendas as a psychotherapist.
I believe our softest spots are also our strongest.
It is often that simple.
Unsplash/Design by Tiana Crispino
Honesty about the hard stuff can cultivate unforeseen and robust resilience.
Nobody could have emotionally prepared for the obstacles posed by this year.
While 2020 may technically be behind us, many of us are still reeling from its impact.
“I lost my job,” Erica*, 29, tells me.
“It doesnt get much more vulnerable than losing your livelihood.”
“It was a dark time.
We didnt have much natural sunlight, let alone literal space.”
Unsplash/Design by Tiana Crispino
I believe our softest spots are also our strongest.
“I feel pretty different now,” she explains.
“I’d still prefer all thathadnthappened.
But I did realize I can be scrappy and adapt.
Experiencing harm, after all, often induces shame, because we feel knocked down and overexposed.
Many psychotherapists agree shame is one of the most difficult emotions to cope with.
The emotional state is so intense that individuals attempt to rid themselves of it.”
We might argue any defense mechanism a person possesses is actually an effort to evade shame.
How to stop bottling up and bypassing?
Remaining in the here-and-now.
Learning our capacity for self-soothing and survival.
This can be achieved by cultivating healthy friendshipsand its also where psychotherapy comes in.
In ethical, effective therapy, you are able to experience that healing applauseand never the toxic laughter.
The idea isnt that others willalwaysaccept us the way our therapist does.
But that we are more comfortable standing in our truth regardless of the reaction.
In turn, I do my best to create those crucial aforementioned conditions of acceptance.
Then, together, we look at whatever it was theyd externalized.
Anytime these moments happen with patients, it feels like Im watching their emotional resilience grow fast-motion, Popeye-style.
Honoring the experience of falling down is just as important as the celebration of getting back up.
Doing this is a daily practice.
While were on the subject of Brene Brown, I should mention her work is not overrated.
Vulnerability can help us know ourselves better andbecause we all experience itit can connect us to other people.
Honoring the experience of falling down is just as important as the celebration of getting back up.
Doing this is a daily practice.
To learn a skateboard trick?
How many times you got to get something wrong until you get it right?
You hurt yourself and you learn that trick, and now you got a life lesson.
Whenever I see those skateboard kids, I think,those skateboard kids will be all right."
*Erica was an anonymous interviewee, not a counseling client of mine.
