Who knows what time of day it was, that period is grainy and blurred.
But there we were, learning more about each other with each breath.
She rested on my chest lying in safety, like a daughter.
When I imagined motherhood before actually becoming a mom, this image often came to mind.
What Is Co-Sleeping?
Bed-sharing on the other hand, is when the child sleeps on the same surface as the parent."
Stocksy/Design by Tiana Crispino
Now that she’s a toddler, we bed-share and it’s working for our lifestyle.
It’s just my experience; I don’t feel an urge to convince anyone to do the same.
It’s worth noting, however, co-sleeping and bed-sharing goes against the grain in our culture.
Stocksy/Design by Tiana Crispino
Namely, as a single mom, what am I doing to my daughter’s sense of attachment?
Divecha tells me that my questions are totally normal.
She goes on to say, “First of all, theres just not that much definitive research.
For example, she says, “pediatricians goal is to reduce the risk ofSIDS or SUIDS.
She adds, “No wonder it’s hard to set your compass here.”
“Its the abiding confidence a child has in the availability and responsiveness of a caregiver.
I’m not alone; this is something most parents want, I’d hazard to guess.
Do I feel more pressure to foster secure attachment in my kid because I’m a single mom?
I’m determined to break the cycle.
But the question becomes, is co-sleeping and now bed-sharing the way to do that?
The short answer, according to Divecha, is… well, there’s really no short answer.
Instead, I would look to the dynamics that truly predict a secure attachment.”
She goes on to say that “the caregivers emotional availability and sensitive responsiveness fosters a secure attachment.
This could happen in a bed-sharing situation or in a solitary sleeping situation.”
What the Research Says
Divecha points to a2009 studythat measures nighttime maternal responsiveness and infant attachment.
“The study had some methodological issues and needs to be replicated,” Divecha explains.
So, as we can see, the data is kind of all over the place.
And really, there’s just not enough of it.
Most parents, she says, do what feels right to them, striking a balance want and need.
“Imagine parents who are working long hours and out of the house,” says Patel.
“They are limited in their opportunity to bond with their toddler.
They may use this time to bond and comfort a child.
During the day, this child would need to use other coping tools to feel comfort.”
This is a form of secure attachment.”
But, What About Mom?
I derive comfort and feel safe and close and needed.
As much as bed-sharing is an intentional parenting choice, I’m benefiting from it as well.
It can be comforting and calming to have Little One close by which may engage a parasympathetic response.”
But I guess that really goes for any bedfellow, right?
There’s also this: my bed isn’t hosting any romantic encounters lately.
At the moment, I have no romantic attachments to speak of.
I’m sure that will change in the future.
Not sure how or whenI know that sounds vague and grainy, but I’m fine with it.
There’s something sacred about reclaiming this space as mine and mine alone to share with my daughter.
From a developmental perspective, we’re both growing, expanding.
And even though I’m her guide, I’m changing too.
But right now, this feels good.
